GROWING PAINS.

No, I'm not talking about my three-year-old.
I don't know what has gotten into me lately, but I have been about as emotional
as I was when I weaned Ramona almost exactly two years ago.
I have been so up and down lately, every sweet thing Ramona does
or every little thing I could've handled differently has sent me into a spiral of self-reflection and tears.

I'm working tirelessly to finish a class right now,
 and I haven't been able to spend much time with Cody or Ramona as a result.
That's a big part of it, I'm sure.
I'm so close to having this degree, yet there is so much still to do
which invokes a feeling that is all at once more intimidating than I can handle
and more fulfilling than I can even believe.

I found the first grey hair on my head yesterday, so there's that, too.
I'm the first to say, "women look much better when they just embrace their natural beauty,"
but then I realize that I'm twenty-seven and these things are actually happening to me and everyone I know.
It's beautiful and scary and when you have a child it's impossible not to get weepy thinking about how fleeting life is.

Things like:

-getting grey hair
-approaching ten-year reunions
-puchasing "youth perfecting" face lotions
-finally buying a mouth guard to wear while you sleep so you don't ruin your teeth
-assessing your energy levels to determine what vitamin you're deficient in (B12 is working)
-having bones that sound like a creaky rocking chair in the morning
-being tired by 8pm and waking up by 6am
-wanting to cut your most-identified-with physical characteristic because it would be "easier" to take care of
-being legitimately annoyed by teenage slang/teenagers in general
-wanting nothing more than dishtowels, new rugs, and an electric toothbrush for Christmas
-understanding that natural light and large windows are the only real requirements for the home you are shopping for

Strange things are happening, and they aren't all bad.
It does feel, though, as if these things have accumulated in prominence very suddenly.
I am fully embracing a handful of things associated with maturity.
I really like the me that has begun thinking about others far more than myself,
having numerous, concrete accomplishments to be proud of,
and looking ahead to the most amazing things on the horizon.

They say your saturn returns in your 28th year, when a person crosses a major threshold and enters the next phase of life.
I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I am definitely feeling a shift.

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