Thursday, October 24, 2013


Lately, when I look in the mirror I see a woman.
Suddenly it seems, I have evolved from an early-twenty-something girl, to a late-twenty-something lady.
Now, men well into their 40s and 50s are perfectly comfortable hitting on me, which just was not the case a few years ago.
I have found that there comes a time when a man can look at a woman and be completely certain
that she is "old enough" to spew whatever absurdities at her that fall from his jowls.

I've officially reached that age.

Bad come-ons aside, I have really been enjoying this newly-realized womanhood.
It has a little to do with my physical appearance (serene, slightly asymmetrical, strong), 
which, it turns out, is a direct reflection of my mental state (happy, accomplished, confident).
I see this person, this twenty-seven-year old lady, and I really like her.

I am, coincidentally, the very age that I first remember my mother being.
For whatever reason, when I became aware that my mom had an age, she was twenty-seven.
I remember thinking how beautiful she was, how comforting her voice was to me,
and I distinctly remember the smell of her Dior Poison perfume.
I idolized her; 
Her ability to work so much without ever complaining, volunteer in my classrooms,
and still always have something fun and creative planned for my brother and I to do at home.

Ramona will begin to remember me as I am now, 
and that is something I haven't had to deal with before.
She has always been a baby in my eyes, or, well, in reality.
Of course, the most beautiful memories have been made in the last three years, 
but the ones that will be preserved somewhere inside of her for the next quarter century 
before she comes to this realization for herself by looking at her own twenty-seven year old reflection,
those memories start now.

Knowing how deep the emotions surrounding my memories of my mother run inside of me,
I feel a connection to Ramona more powerful than ever.
Without getting too sappy, because I could definitely do that,
while I really really love that my voice sounds identical to my mama's,
the one characteristic that I most want to express to my daughter is simply how deeply I love being her mama.
Everything else is completely secondary.