Friday, August 2, 2013

Technology // Torn.

When on vacation and mostly isolated from technology, 
I read, I did crossword puzzles, I sat mesmerized by the clouds passing overhead.
I was in the moment, every moment. 

I have always had a strange relationship with technology.
On the one hand, I rather enjoy it's companionship and the communities I have entered by using it.
I also hate how isolating it is.
I look around on the streets, and everyone is on their phones. 
Cut off from reality. Wrapped up in their anti-social medias.
It is changing us, as a society and as a people. 
It scares me that my daughter is growing up completely surrounded by technology, and by the people that are so immersed in it.
I am very, very aware of when and where I use my phone, my computer.
I rarely get on the computer in Ramona's presence, yet I take way too many photos. 
All day, constantly.

Instagram, facebook, pinterest, a handful of others' blogs, and etsy are really the only things I go back to regularly,
but I have started to feel a change come over me.
When I get on my computer, I don't just check my email.
I have to check my email, and check each of those other pages before I feel like I'm 'done.'
It's a weird pull, something I can't explain.
I absolutely do not need anything that I get from doing that each day,
yet I do it. 
Every day. More than once, usually.

I feel like I am getting less out of my internet perusing than ever before. 
Maybe not. Maybe I am getting the same out, but my needs are changing.

Pinterest is so boring to me now. 

Facebook, whatever. 
It's a way of putting funny Ramona-isms out there for my more distant friends and family. 
They love it, it's harmless. I never sit and scroll. 

I've been checking my favorite blogs less and less. 
I still love going back to see what's new in their worlds, but it's not as exciting as it once was.

And finally, this blog.
Honestly, I love keeping track of our vacations, our growing girl, and all of the other little things that would ordinarily just pass me by, but in a world of immaculate-looking lifestyle blogs, mine is merely a journal.
And probably a fairly boring one at that! 
I have no desire to become a master photographer of the food I make, 
even though I love to cook and post recipes. 

etc, etc, etc. 
rant, rant, rant.

This is my blog.
This thing that you have been reading,
it is simple, raw, and very much solely about us.

I want to stop feeling pressure to post more regularly, and to make it more interesting.
In a weird way, by announcing this to you all, I feel that pressure slowly releasing. 
No one, not a single person, has made me feel this way but me!
I have always strived to be the best, I have always needed to be the best.
When I look at blogs, I look at the best blogs. 
The ones so full of life and beautiful photography and creative ideas. 
My life is not about those things, those design-oriented things that make for a great blog.
I am a graduate student, striving to become a teacher.
I am a mother to a three-year-old, and a wife to a really amazing man.
I also work in a restaurant and sew things from time to time and blah blah blah...
So, I need to tell myself to take a breath and feel good about this stupid little blog.

I don't need to change.
I just need to refocus my energy on all the things that matter the very most.

On the days where I have an hour to sit and read for pleasure, I want to just sit and read for pleasure.
I don't want to sit and wonder why it is that I can't think of another blog post, or why I still haven't busted out the ol' photoshop to make any of my posts look decent. 
I realize that I don't care to be a professional blogger, at all.
There are wonderful, beautiful bloggers out there, doing a damn good job with all of that.
I love to document bits of my beautiful, fleeting life for myself, and for anyone else who cares to keep up. 
I am realizing, in this incredible free time I have been enjoying, that I would rather keep the laptop away and turn another thirty pages in my book then strain myself for a mediocre blog post about nothing.
But also, when I do feel like posting the mediocre post about nothing, I should be damn proud of it, too.

Mostly, I just want to experience life as it happens and not worry about how it will appear in photos or captions.
I want to fill my mind with books and memories of my little girl, not of the things I see on my screen.
Happiness and fulfillment come in all forms, and for me, right now, technology seems to be pushing me away. 

I'll be around.
The 52 Project is something that I will definitely be continuing, as well as random other posts about nothing.
Just a little less frequently. 
Or maybe just as infrequently as always, I just wont feel so guilty about it.

If you don't already, you should follow me on instagram.
Spoiler! I'll be posting photos of my kid, the food I make, books I'm reading, clothes I buy, crafts we make, and that guy I love.

I need to go for a hike, literally, like in the woods.



  1. whatever you finally do, i find your blog fabulous...

    1. You are too kind! Thank you.. and I value so much those just like you who keep coming back. xoxoxo

  2. This brought tears to my eyes. I too am worried and anxious about this ever expanding technology and how quickly things are changing! It's really incredible. Life is so different from 20 years ago, when your dad got his first cell phone. THE first cell phone, it was as big as a loaf of bread! And then the Internet. I remember thinking, "What? What is it?" It was hard to fathom. Now I'm on this thing several hours a day, and can't imagine life without it. Mike and I will be talking about something, and can't remember an actors name, and I google it. A band or movie, or the name of a bird, whatever. I'm always googling something. No need to strain your brain, this computer can do it for you..
    I love to read your blog, and seeing your pictures. Please don't stop! I'm glad you're relaxing about it though. You have enough to occupy your time! Those professional bloggers spend at least 40 hours a week, and most likely have a few helpers.
    Just live your life and be happy!

  3. Hi! Great post - your blog is perfect the way it is - your photos are greg the way they are and the writing is what keeps me coming back. i used to feel a ton of pressure to write my blog - keep it beautiful - now i let that go and just write what i want, stuff i want, etc. keep up the great work!! also your instagram feed is adorable! (mine is julsgarces, i "like" your pics all the time xo

    1. oh man, you are so so sweet. i may have overreacted a bit, but you know... getting it out there has really helped me to feel accomplished with what i have done, and will continue to do. and the response from you guys has just been too too much. ps, I now see the mutual connection to Christine Fadel... I just love her! I'll find you on IG now ;) xo

  4. happy for what you do share, it's you and it's great.

    I know what you mean...I LOVE blogging, but then sometimes I feel so much undue pressure and it takes me away from living this real life. We just got back from 2.5 months away in Europe and although I'd planned to continue a rigorous blogging just didn't happen. And I never bought a phone plan so I was only internet when I was around a wifi hotspot. Somehow, I calmed down about it all. We're back now...and we'll see where it settles. :)

    In any case, I'll be checking back in. No pressure. ;)

    1. It's always a good thing to take pressure off of ourselves, in whatever way we can, however we find a way to do it. I'm so glad you find this little space worthy of returning to. I will definitely keep doing whatever it is that I am doing ;) Thanks lady.