Wednesday, November 6, 2013


Shy, anxious, busy, tired, afraid of most things, and always stuck in my head.
These are a few of the words I've come to describe myself with, but why?
If people are constantly evolving and changing with our circumstances,
why would I only have a set handful of adjectives that define me?

When we are born, we are completely free of judgment.
As we grow, we are shaped by myriad of influences telling us to doubt, to fear.
People ebb and flow through moods, desires, and needs. We never stop.
That learned judgment is then quickly aimed at ourselves, and so it begins.

Over time, I've started believing all of those words that imply weakness.
I've attributed my self-degradation to my being humble,
but I am realizing that self-judgment is simply a bad habit that I need to manage.

The way we think of ourselves is arguably one of the most significant habits we can break, or make.
Habits stick around. Sometimes so long that we begin to lose ourselves in them.
It's so easy to create a habit, and so hard to break one.

I do a lot of public speaking in my graduate program.
Every time, I stress out. 
I get sweaty and full of fear, and then, without fail, I give an eloquent and poignant speech that I can be proud of. 
I do this to myself because, for whatever reason, I have told myself that being shy and afraid of crowds is who I am.
Holding onto doubts and fears so tightly does nothing but impede personal growth.

Name what broke you, and then take back everything it stole from you.
I am.


This post was inspired by the beautiful Chantal Wiebe, a modern day Hafiz who I'm certain was sent here to serve some greater purpose but decided to stick around and work as a school psychologist/writer in Canada instead. 
She will make you think, and probably cry, and if you see the benefit in a little vulnerability, 
you can follow her beauty on instagram and on her new blog.



  1. "Name what broke you, and then take back everything it stole from you."

    i want to share this line with every woman in my life. preach it.

    1. You would love Chantal Wiebe. Seriously, follow her instagram and her blog. She is a breath of wildly fresh air.


  2. Love this post! You are such a strong woman. This post really resonates with me. It means a lot to read that you acknowledge the difference between a bad habit you teach yourself (and are also taught/conditioned to learn) and the truth. xoxoxox

    1. Kelly, thank you so much! You are a strong woman, too, my dear. I feel like I'm surrounded by them :)

      see you tomorrow, naked lady!

  3. seriously? this is phenomenal. this is good stuff right here. like the best of stuff ever.

    1. It was incredibly hard to write, and even harder to post. Vulnerability, man.


  4. Just found your blog through IG. Your name is what struck me. Then I found this post. I found myself relating in so many ways. I'm getting ready to go back to grad school to finish Masters on Teaching. I withdrew a few years ago, basically over fear. Damn. Bad habits are hard to break, that's for sure. Hurdling fear is big and scary, but not doing the things we're meant to do is more scary. "Name what broke you, and then take back everything it stole from you." That's powerful. Xx

    1. Choosing a career, or even narrowing your passions, is such a difficult and trying ordeal. Even still, as I finish the last months of my masters, I am filled with uncertainty and fear about what I'm doing. "Will I be a good teacher?" "Do I have enough energy for this?" "Will I ever finish my work samples?" "Are my lessons creative and interesting enough?" and on and on. It is scary, and sometimes it takes a good cry to let it all out of my system, but at the end of the day the amount of pride in myself and for what I do is immeasurable.

      I wish you all the luck and courage in the world. We need teachers like you who are willing to be vulnerable.

      I'm so glad you found this little space of mine. I hope you stick around ;)

  5. I just now read your reply. Thanks for taking the time to write and encourage! During Undergrad, one of my professors said about teaching, "it's the hardest job you'll ever love." I believe it! Congrats on the close finish!